I'm not the person I want to be. My mind goes in so many different directions sometimes i think I'm crazy... maybe I am crazy. Could I tell if I were crazy or would I have to see a doctor or something. Nothing ever goes right. Everytime I move somewhere I just want to leave again. I just wish that for once in my life things would go like they're suppose to go. Sometimes I lay in bed and wish I was a teenager again. I remember all the fun I had no responsibility... just fun. Laying out in the sun all day during the summer then going out to party. My best friends were all around me... I lost touch w/ everyone. I feel like i have no friends. I love my kids and my life isnt bad, really... just not what I expected. Is life always so unfair, should it be this hard???

Sometimes I want to stop time and live in the moment.
You get me twisted, out of shape, you got me bent.
Your kisses linger on my lips and you on my mind.
All the comfort and love I need; in you I find.
You have the key to my heart the master of my soul.
You take me in to you always staying in control.
That vindictive side cant come out when your around.
She drifts away; in all the love she drowns.
If she never woke again I wouldnt care.
Who needs to be vindictive with you there.
Heavenly thoughts suround my head and I fall into your arms again.
The world can be dark and cruel but I have you my 7th heaven my best friend. I have you.

I have alot on my mind tonight. Like me and Steven, we arent getting married. Well I mean my sister got married and she like hates jason now. I dont want to get married and hate steven. I love him so much. We have been getting along so well. I really think I'm starting to be the girl he wants me to be. If only I could clean more. I'm so lazy I cant help it though. I'm going to try harder to keep the house clean and spend less money. He's like you have the taste of pairs hilton w/ the wallet size of a homeless person. LMAO I guess he's right though. I do LOVE money. I got my first credit card and its like already spent. I need to pay it off. But I'm really trying. But hell, atleast I am working now you know. I feel so lucky to have him even though I bitch. I feel like everyone loves steven, and everyone has special memories of him. He draws people to him like a moth to a light. But I have him you know. He loves me, he would fight to the death for me, and I love that. I would die w/ out him. I dont think I've ever loved anyone like this. I really truely believe stevens my first love, and I hope he's my last. I want to grow old with him. Watch our kids grow up and then watch their kids grow... we're going to have everyone we've ever wanted and whoever by passed us will be sorry.

Here's a little riddle for all you smarty pants!
You give someone a dollar, and they give you 50 coins in exchange that add up to a dollar. What are the 50 coins they give you?
This is really simple it just sounds complicated so put on your thinking caps people!