I tried crawling in bed but it seems so empty w/ out him. I pulled the alarm clock to the living room. I figured I would sleep in here. But sleep doesnt come easy w/ so much on your mind. In the 3 years we've been together everytime he's had to stay in the hospital I was always with him. *smile* once he had a spider bite and it got staff infection and the nurses told me I couldnt sleep in bed w/ him and he was so mad. He was going to make a pallet in the floor. I wouldnt let him. I told him the nurses were only trying to help and I pulled the chair up beside his bed and held his hand while we slept.
I keep thinking what if he hadnt gone to the hospital? Would he had gone that night? My life would be so empty w/ out him. My heart feels like it might burst. I just want to hold him. I know he's the one sick but I need him to comfort me. Everyones been so nice and I know they are trying, but he's the one who makes me feel better.

Sometimes I forget how sick he really is. When someone doesnt act sick, or look sick. You just dont think about it. Yesterday it just hit me so hard. What if something happens to him? What am I going to do? What will I tell our babies? He's not just the father of my children or someone I love. He's my best friend... When someone hurts me he's the one whos there... He always tell me your my old lady it doesnt matter if you're wrong or right I'll stand by your side. I guess I am spoiled to that. Oh god please let him be ok. Let him come home and hold me. I need him. Its like the sun wont shine without him. Even a phone call would help right now. Just to hear his voice. I know he'll be ok. God wouldnt take something so precious from me. Our babies need him I need him.