So my baby recently had a birthday. I decided he needed a huge party. But it turned out none of his brothers could come visit! I had to do something to make this special b/c recently we've been fighting and I had made a HUGE BOOBOO! so I come up w/ a great plan! STRIP CLUB! I thought what better place to take a guy. So we get there and get some drinks then we go over to the strip club. The girls were HOTT! We even got some tattoos while we were out. He got some work done on an old one on his back, and I got a heart w/ a halo hanging on the right w/ "his" written in the middle and i put it on my wrist. It was completely great! We had the greats night ever. I wish it was my birthday b/c it was the great party ever! His brothers are sure to be sorry they missed it. He had the greatest smile on his face all night. I'm glad I made it specail for him! xoxox Tara

When do you know when enough is enough? When can you tell if you're heart has had it. I know he loves me. After 4 years he should. But I am 22 I am not an old dried up women. I need affection, sometimes I just want to scream at him that i can have other men, that guys do still find me cute. I know how to flirt and to act weepy and needy. But that would hurt him. Do you know what the fuck he said to me? No, No... no you could never guess. When I told him what Angie said about him talking about her all the time at work to Jon and I asked him why must he talk about other girls. he has me... He says, If it wasnt her it would be someone else. SOMEONE ELSE. He has to have someone else. Always... Then I am here alone taking care of our 3 kids and he's hunting or fishing or taking care of this and that. I want him to want me. I need to feel like I am the most important thing in his life and if the smallest thing in life was making me unhappy he would tear it to pieces and stomp all over it... but that doesnt happen. Do you know why? Because he must not care anymore. Do you know what he recently told me. That when we first started dating he didnt care about me... He wanted out of rehab. Yes I am that much of a loser. He said after a while he started to love me. That makes me feel like a total jerk. I'm the one who feels like a jerk thats funny right? Sure it is. When we first started dating he hated that Brandy was favored over me. That daddy had bought her a new Durango and then turned around and traded it for the new Civic. He told me he was going to take me a way and take care of me. Well thanks a fucking lot for taking me away from my Mommy who loves me w/ all her heart and my Daddy who tries to do everything for me so you could bring me away to not love me. YES NOT LOVE ME. B/c when you're in love you want to hold that person. You want to kiss them. You want them to know they are the ONLY ONES in ur life. Not the easiest thing. If I left he would move some other bitch in here to take my place. So WHAT I DONT LIKE TO CLEAN??? Whats the big fucking deal REALLY? I need him to love me, and to make me feel like his one and only again... And if he doesnt realize he's losing me soon it may all be to late b/c a girl can only take so much. When the bad times start to out weigh the good ones, run. Thats what I was told, and here lately the bad times are sworming. Its not the money or the kids. Its us. I want him to look at me w/ love not hate or disgust. Yes disgust I feel like I am disgusting to him. How did I get myself in to such a place. How can a man just stop loving you