This blog stuff is going to far, people pressing charges against each other, its a little crazy. This is a blog, read it if you like it and if you dont like it then go to hell. You dont have to read my stuff, you can block me, you block anyone. Why all this crap? Anyhow I havent done much today. I cleaned the house, we have had alot of storms coming through. Nothing has been really near us though. Anyways I guess I am going to go. I dont have much to write about. Stop pressing charges on each other dont read shit you dont like. Stay away from people you think suck. Good advice right?

Recently me and Austin have came to a common agreement and the screaming at the top of my lungs has stopped. Which is better for everyone. (I have reg to thank for that.) Sometimes hearing the truth hurts. And it pisses you off, but hopefully if someone you love and resepct says it you take something from it and learn. Tonight was one of those times. Not for me but for steven. We had big storms down here tonight, and steven wanted the babies in bed so in case anything happen we didnt have alot to do just grab the sleeping kids and not gather up the running wild children. Well when we told Austin it was time for bed he threw a temper tantrum and told steven he hated him and that he was the worst dad ever. When I was leaving to run down the road steven told austin to get up so he could speak to him. Well when I came home austin was still up, and i made the comment that I wish he would of let me know that the kids could stay up b/c I would of let the babies get up. They get up at 7 in the morning and I would of liked to sleep in. Well steven got angry and said I was picking on Austin. I tried to defend myself but steven yells that I'm a liar and I pick on austin all the time.(this is where austin gets this. Austin has yelled at me several times I am just a big meanie and that I pick on him and I'm a liar) I havent picked on austin. I got angry tonight and I admit that but not at Austin at steven. Steven doesnt want to be the bad guy he wants to be the good guy. Tonight Austin screams I hate you you're the worst dad ever. and Austin got to stay up and watch tv. What is that teaching him? Throw a fit and you can stay up all night. Steven should of got austin up told him what he did was wrong, and then made him go back to bed. He can be mad at me for pointing it out all he wants he's the one in the wrong. xoxox Tara

I dont regret anything I've done in my life, and I dont plan to hide any of it, but I do wish I could of changed who I kept in my life, and who I pushed away. I held onto the shittiest people, people who were worth holding on to I pushed a way. my life has been full of twists and turns ups and downs, lots of happieness and enough sadness to last me the rest of my life. and I'm not even half way through a normal life time. I keep thinking things will get better, nothing can stay like this. As a girl I was always very sheltered. In no way was I babied but when something was going wrong, I wasnt to know about it. My mommy and daddy devorced when I was 4 and they stayed good friends I thought all mommys and daddys did. The man my mom started seeing after that was with us from the time I was 4 till I was 13, from the time I was 5 on he was addicted to crack cocaine.I had no idea, when my mom left him I was so angry at her. He would beat my mom and had for years and I hadnt known. I didnt know what had happen untill the day he was gone for sure. That day I also found out for the past 2 years my mom had been having an affair on him with a man from work. I always thought people were good people. I knew there were bad people but I didnt think they would ever come around me. lol I guess I thought I had a special bubble to protect me from all that. When I was 16 I moved out w/ my first boyfriend. He begged me to have his baby. He would write me love notes about it and tell me that he was going to marry me as soon as I was of age. On my 18th birthday December 29th I found out I was pregnant with my first child, and that boy (who is now in jail for murder) kicked me out and told me he didnt want me or the kid. On my sisters birthday January 18th less then a month later I had an abortion. After that nothing was the same. There was such a thing as pain there were people and things I couldnt control, and no one could hide this from me. It was a big slap in the face of reality. No one could hide it from me or proctect me from it. The day I took my first childs lift my innocence left. As nieve and innocent as I act today its an act. I know how cold people are that everyone looks out for #1. I know its my job to worry about me and my kids b/c when push comes to shove they are mine and only mine.

kar·ma (kärm)
n.
1. Hinduism & Buddhism The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny.
2. Fate; destiny.
3. Informal A distinctive aura, atmosphere, or feeling
Well I got the idea for my karma topic from tyler tlk (rubble has taught me about giving credit where its do) so thanks tyler b/c karma is something I believe in greatly. Basically if you do good stuff good stuff happens and if you do bad shit bad shit happens (that puts it simply and to see this put into action watch "My name is Earl" comes on Monday nights after "Family guy" on TBS) I think I am a nice person. I give bums money I brake for animals. I speak politely to adults, and I a usually dont say anything about anyone that I wouldnt say to there face. I might sugar coat it to there face but I would still say it. The fact is I feel like I constantly have horrible luck. Nothing good really happens and I always have to work twice as hard for things that come so easily to other people. I have plenty of examples of this. We have friends that talk shit take advantage of people and basically look out for themselves. Of course they have friends but they would NEVER bend over backwards to help us. (even though we've helped them out MILLIONS of times.) And these people have the best luck I've ever seen. Everything they have was basically given to them. Nothing was earned. Wheres the karma there? I mean they have to be having some bad luck but I am not seeing it. So while reading tylers thing he was talking more about the jealousy bug. Which I guess sometimes I Get a case of when I see shit like this happening. Well am I a bad person to help karma out once in a while. If I see a way of getting over on these people taking it? I mean obviously karma doesnt realize these people are horrible, right? Or am I just a bad person wishing bad and doing bad things to people... or does karma even exist? I mean is there a mistical power that makes good things happen and bad things happen to those who are worthy or unworthy? Its a thinker there... Maybe there is away to test karma... I really have to find this out. B/c I am so done being all sugary sweetly nice if karma is gonna keep kicking my ass.

well, lets see nothing really has been going on lately. I got a job and my first pay check. tips arent as bad as I thought they would be. I've been going to the tanning bed and I am going to start going to the gym 3 times a week. Austin and I have been getting along REALLY REALLY good! I like my job besides linda I am so sick of her snapping at me. I am not dumb and i dont like being spoke to like I am dumb. Anyways reg deactivated her account and i am really upset. I loved reading her blog and it really wont be the same without her. I went to leave her a message and I saw it was deactivated. Anyways I am going to bounce around. Love you all hope everyones weather is nice and everyone is having a great week! MUAHZ!