Life has been good. Friday I was under the impression steven and I were really getting married, but we arent. Atleast not right now. I think I want to get my lip peirced I would really like it. I use to have it done but my mom went crazy and made me take it out. I just dont find it very motherly. So I proably wont do it. I miss my mom and I miss my sister. My sister is back in tennessee. This is the first time I've ever been apart from both of them for such a long period of time. its hard. I want to go home really bad sometimes, but at the same time there are things here I dont want to leave. When I was growing up I cant remember living anywhere for more then a few months and mitchell would screw it up and we would have to live w/ aunt bonnie or terry ann. Aunt bonnie the smart one had bought a house in the country. It was on its own private islane it felt like. Water wrapped all around her property not the drive way though, but when in it rained hard the drive way would flood. We would play hard all day. Puppies were always being born in the basement, and we were crowded but never unwanted or unwelcomed. There was such a closeness and love. I am still very close w/ my cousins and aunts and uncles. I think its b/c we lived together so much. Anyhow I remember staying there the most when I was a kid, and the stability I felt. It was safe. we werent going to be uprooted and have to move as soon as you're comfortable. Thats what I want my kids to have complete stability, not having to move as soon as there room is set up, and here I can give that to them, I am not so sure in tennessee they can have that. So I guess I am going to have to go. I'm going to watch some tv and wait for steven to come home. Good night. xoxox Tara

My goodness. These past 2 days were busy ones. But I had so much fun being at home playing w/ my babies! If I did nothing right with the rest of my life, I made some smart pretty babies! I love them with all of me. They are so perfect and sweet. Steven and I had fun too. Even though it was busy sometimes its nice driving him around and talking! Now everyone is getting tucked in and ready for work tomorrow. The babies go to there Ma'ma's house. We got a new tv a flat screen but I think we are going to take it back. And I think Steven is going to get my rings. Surely but slowly he is coming around! Sometimes I get so down and depressed. I am very good at feeling sorry for myself. But on days like this I cant believe I can be so selfish. I have a good life, a good family a nice job. A dependable car, and a dependable man. Some girls would die to be in my shoes. I should be more thankful. I will make sure to say my prayers tonight and love on my babies! Anyhow have a good night! Love you! Later! xoxox Tara

Carter has been so sick I felt so bad for him. He seemed alot better today thoug, but I Think maddelyn is getting it now. I hate when my kids are sick. I got a carpet cleaner today so I am going to clean my carpets tomorrow. I am very excited. If Maddelyn is ok tomorrow she will be having her own official sleep over. We know a couple they have a daughter only a year older then Maddelyn they like each other so we are going to let them spend the night together and rent a movie and stuff. I think I might get some ice cream for them too. This little girl also likes cheerleading so I think I might put Maddelyn back in it. I might register her at Houston Headstart too. B/c thats where Shelby (the little girl whos spending the night) will be going. Its nice to have a friend when you start school. I got so mad at her she got into my jewlery box and lost a pair of my good ear rings. I wanted to say thanks to everyone who has left such nice messages. I've been having a hard time and its nice to have such nice folks out there. About the whole moving thing. I dont think we will be if we do it wouldnt be till income tax season. But I am definantly getting a bigger place next income tax season reguardless of what Steven says. Even though I dont think he will say much. Keisha brought me over some new clothes. They are really cute it was really nice of her. She also brought me 2 pairs of her old jeans and they are really really tight but I can get into them and zip them and everything. Thats a huge accomplishment. Sense austin has been gone nothing has really changed. Its kind of boring, and I do miss him. When I play the sims or anything I get to thinkin about him... I havent been doing much. Playing with the kids working cleaning house and hangin w/ steven. I wish I could say the wedding thing was taken care of and settled, but it isnt. Still no ring and still no vows being said. It makes me so sad. But its something I have to deal w/ if I want to be with steven and I do want to be with him. I guess I am going to go. Love you all! Hope ur week is going well! xoxox Tara

today was a WEIRD day. It started off bad, but it turned out pretty good. SW woke up grouchy and just like ranting over EVERY little thing. Somehow his mood ended up switching me him and the kids went to a stream that I Think breaks off from the big piney. Him and his friend Larry caught little baby fish for bait b/c sunday they are going fishing. While me and the babies played in the water. We found a bunch of sea shells. We also found a river muscle still in the shell which I thought was cool. And we found a fossil of a craw daddy (is that how its spelt) so it ended up being a good day. I was happy by the end of it. SW and I have been talking about moving back to tn... Its not where I want to leave b/c I really like it here. I just want a bigger house. I want to make more money, and I would like to be near my family. I feel kind of secluded here and i never felt like that in TN. Like if sw was at work I would go hangout w/ my sister or my friend angel. and here I dont really have anyone like that, and even if I did what would we do go to walmart? lame! so I mean both sides have their ups and downs. I dont think we will end up leaving, but hey you never know! anyhow I am going to go! xoxo Tara

so tonight me and steven were talking about the whole married bit and basically I got told that reguardless if he goes into the army or not we are NOT getting married. WOW what a slap in the face! Am I doing something wrong. I swear to god I am cursed! I should of just married the first guy who asked me. He is making a huge deal out of this. We are going to be together forever. I do everything he freaking asks me to. I've always been there for him and done what he wanted, but he cant do this! This isnt fair. He's always told me we were going to get married. Why would he string me along and have kids with me if he never planned to marry me. WTF? Its not funny at all because I totally feel betrayed and lied to and not worth a damn right now. I mean No girl plans to just have kids with a guy and live with him wash his dirty underwear and just be his "bitch". I really dont think I can stay if he cant make this little commitment and marry me. I mean I know its a big commitment. But I've stuck through him through SOOOO much shit that like I am not even going to talk about on here, ahd this is something that people do when they are in love. This is something that I Feel like I deserve. And i Feel like he is being very shitty! I feel like I am getting the shaft. I am just so angry and hurt right now I dont know what to do with myself. My heart is broken and the one guy who is supose to always love me we have kids together... its not right it really isnt.