New President!
News just in America have named the next two candidates for the forthcoming election, they are the donkey from shrek and Arnold Swarzenegger. Our reports indicate that Homer Simpson and Kermit the frog were pipped at the post.

"Mr Swarzenegger have you anything to say about your rival?" "I will crush his lazy, smelly body and raise the flag of The United States of Americana!" "America you mean sir" "Yes Americana"

"And you Mr Donkey, not being of the same species do you think your in with a chance?"

"Well if they let a pussy like Swarzenegger be governor of California, and an dick like Bush be president surely they would let an ass like me rule the fuckin world!"
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Upset!!!
Upset

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.

Every time they made love the husband insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

She figured she would break him of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... A vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . You explain the 3 kids."