I've been thinking of opening up a new blog, a poetry blog. I've always been very interested in poetry and writting. I am not very good at it, but I enjoy doing it... I like to write about my kids my life, love... I fail off the diet wagon but I jumped back on it.. Steven wants me to lose the weight and be a stripper.. Just like a man. LoL. I wouldnt want to be a stripper not b/c I am not comfortable w/ my body hell I'd jump up right now and strip but because I cant dance really, plus those shoes are huge! My kids are so perfect. All of them. All of them special in there own ways. I want to bond more w/ my step son so any of you step moms or anyone that has some advice I would love to hear it! I am flying back home to virginia this week for my grandmothers birthday she's been sick. I love going back home, but I am kind of hoping something goes wrong... I dont know what to say to grandma everyone says its not a big deal, but its a huge deal. She has cancer and she is going to die... She knows this and I know this... What if she just looks so sick and I dont know what to say. What if I burst into tears and make it worst... I'm so scared. It seems silly to be scared about but I really have only 2 fears in life. Death and my children getting kidnapped. They arent even fears they are more like Phobias.. I know I dont post many pictures on here. But I do have a myspace account with pictures of me and my kids and my family. If you would like to see that just ask. Anyhow, I am going to go! I love you all and I hope everything is great in everyone else's life! Love you all! Tara xoxox
It's just different! I get shy! What can I say! Of course I ain't even thinkin' about dancing erotically NOW not until I lose this weight! I promised to try and loosen up after the weight comes off and give him a good dance...it just feels so silly him, me, livingroom...I'll need some drinks in me!
2.) Like you, my biggest fear FEAR...ANYTHING happening to my kids.
3.) My mom died at 20 from cancer, seeing her those last 4 months was heartwrenching. G'ma died two months later...ugh, sad times.... But it's weird, I still can't believe it's been 25 years for them!!! A case of time flying in the most surreal way.
Sigh..heavy thoughts for 2:11am!
Oh and I just read your great comment on Quest's blog and it was so weird because we both shared the same blog topic for March 5th!
(insert twilight zone music here!)
But I think I posted first!
m.
m.
I'm sure she'll be happy to see you. Don't be scared.
:)
Listen: I set up a template for a poetry blog here. I haven't done anything with it yet. I was hoping when I start posting on it to include some other "Streamer's" if they'd like to contribute something. Maybe you could write something for the blog.Think about it...(I've been ill, so I haven't been posting here~~always make sure I read you, though.)
Have a good trip, and take care.
~x~adam-i-am
Do you think it's silly I'm so nervous about seeing my grandmother? I guess its silly. I just always remember as her being so healthy and full of life... She would make the best applesauce muffins.. To think I am losing her breaks my heart. I dont take things well. Its to hard to even think about it anymore... I have to go they already bought the ticket, and I will handle it the best way I know how. Try to ignore it. I'm glad you check on me when you come on! I put you on my update list so you update my email! xoxox Tara
It's very normal, and part & parcel of mourning/grief.
I'm trying to speak to you as one who has been around death; in my own family. It is those wonderful memories you have that can make the meeting up w/ your Grandma a rewarding experience (for all of its sorrow).
There is time to say your goodbyes & show your love for her.
Keep that in mind, and you'll feel at ease.
What you can do is make her feel as comfortable
as she has made you feel in life.
Smile. And, remember,
those memories never die...
they are the sum
of us. They live, forever,
in the hearts & minds,
of the living.
x,adam-i-am (My real name is Bill)