I dont regret anything I've done in my life, and I dont plan to hide any of it, but I do wish I could of changed who I kept in my life, and who I pushed away. I held onto the shittiest people, people who were worth holding on to I pushed a way. my life has been full of twists and turns ups and downs, lots of happieness and enough sadness to last me the rest of my life. and I'm not even half way through a normal life time. I keep thinking things will get better, nothing can stay like this. As a girl I was always very sheltered. In no way was I babied but when something was going wrong, I wasnt to know about it. My mommy and daddy devorced when I was 4 and they stayed good friends I thought all mommys and daddys did. The man my mom started seeing after that was with us from the time I was 4 till I was 13, from the time I was 5 on he was addicted to crack cocaine.I had no idea, when my mom left him I was so angry at her. He would beat my mom and had for years and I hadnt known. I didnt know what had happen untill the day he was gone for sure. That day I also found out for the past 2 years my mom had been having an affair on him with a man from work. I always thought people were good people. I knew there were bad people but I didnt think they would ever come around me. lol I guess I thought I had a special bubble to protect me from all that. When I was 16 I moved out w/ my first boyfriend. He begged me to have his baby. He would write me love notes about it and tell me that he was going to marry me as soon as I was of age. On my 18th birthday December 29th I found out I was pregnant with my first child, and that boy (who is now in jail for murder) kicked me out and told me he didnt want me or the kid. On my sisters birthday January 18th less then a month later I had an abortion. After that nothing was the same. There was such a thing as pain there were people and things I couldnt control, and no one could hide this from me. It was a big slap in the face of reality. No one could hide it from me or proctect me from it. The day I took my first childs lift my innocence left. As nieve and innocent as I act today its an act. I know how cold people are that everyone looks out for #1. I know its my job to worry about me and my kids b/c when push comes to shove they are mine and only mine.