so i got another new job. lol. I bet you all are so sick of hearing about my new jobs. Well this one is something I think I i will enjoy. I will be taking care of elderly people. I love old people I love old men. Not in a creepy anne nicole smith way, but they are so sweet. I have an old man friend named milton from when I worked at pizza express. He got sick right when I was quitting. I wanted him to know I cared even if he didnt see me again. So I bought him a wind chime and got him a card from me. I didnt take it to him in the hospial room b/c I cry easy but I left it at the nurses station. I think I already told you all this but I feel good about doing it. So Stevens oldest son isnt returning to stay with us this year. I feel guilty. Only b/c I feel like fingers were pointed at me. Steven made the comment if I couldnt get along w/ austin how could he trust me with the babies. Should he be worried? I never beat austin, but we argued, maybe I am imature. He just got under my skin so easily. i love him he isnt always a pain. but sometimes i felt like if i didnt get away I would go insane. Steven wanted to move back to tennessee at first I was all for it, but then it just all went to crap. We dont have a baby sitter there and my sister and brother in law were moving back to virginia. I thought maybe his aunt could babysit but he said no that wasnt even an option she was to busy. So I said I didnt want to move back there. He got so angry. I uderstand, but I hope he see's my part. I know he is tired of wood treating buisness. I know its hard work, but he has other options. Anyhow i am back on my task of trying to find a cheap bigger nicer home. I think we will do it this year. I have a little bit more knowledge of how to get it done. I am so unsure of myself. I thought that stuff went away w/ teenage years. but I dont know who I am really or what I want. I doubt if I am a good mom, and I want to give my children values and morals. I want to send them out knowing I've done the very best and they can count on me for anything. I want to give them everything I didnt have. I pray to god he gives me the strength knowledge and skill to do all this. I hope that over time me and austin to bond and steven and I get past this hole we stumbled in. I love him as much as a women could love a man and i feel like we've gone through so much rain so many storms I know our rainbow is coming. Some days are so good and the rain is just about to clear up and then another cloud swoops in and takes what little sunshine we had. I know this is meant to be, but its something we have to work at and we are both so tired of working on something we feel should just be. Anyhow I am rambling and getting to carried away. I hope everyone had a great forth and I am sorry I didnt get on to wish everyone a great one. I start my new job thursday and I will let everyone know how I much I love it. I better love it b/c this is my last option. I will be taking classes on tuesday to become a cna and then it'll be all gravy b/c thats where the money is. Anyhow i am going to bounce around. x's and o's be good you all or be good at it! -Tara